The Cookie Thief
by Aquilla Moore
Summary: A hot- tempered narrator of the fictional world has been convinced to secretly documenting the lives of the Yu-Gi-Oh characters for our entertainment. But a crime breaks out on set. The question: Who stole the cookies? Yugi is going to loose it!
1. Who

**The Cookie Thief**

**A narrator and reporter of the fictional world, complete with her own film crew, has just begun secretly documenting the lives of the Yu-Gi-Oh characters for the sole purpose of our, the reader's entertainment. Though her contract has strict guidelines that demand she follow the film company's guidelines, what she chooses to say to us viewers can't be un-said. It's secret reality show meets dangerous creative licence on the narrator's part; let's hope she can keep it together and give us our half hour's-worth this week. **

**And when one of the characters steal a very valuable commodity everyone is up in arms to find the thief. You think you know who it is...or do you? Kawaiiness, craziness and cookies await you!**

* * *

**Author's Note: **Do you ever wonder who narrates all the stories you read? Who the little voice is in your head NO, not that little voice! I mean the one that speaks the words in your mind as you read along? The one who, on some occasion, laughs or gasps at the situation taking place in the story, the one who thinks "Geez, this paragraph is boring" or "When is Ron finally going to kiss Hermione?" That's the one! Well, would you like to meet the Narrator? Hey, I'm serious!

The thing is, I got in contact with her the other day. What do you mean, "It's a she?"? Oh c'mon guys, don't tell me you have a burly truck driver's voice reading your stories to you. Puh-lease. Anyhow, it turns out she's doing an entertainment series with the original group of main characters in the Yu-Gi-Oh anime. The show's like the big brother of Domino city or something. Her job is to report on the daily goings on, etc etc. I don't know how they convinced her it would be worth the contract, I mean, she hates getting told how she should read. But I guess she needed the money or something. And you haven't been taking very good care of her, I hear.

Ok, ok, no arguments. But you should at least watch her show! Being an entertainment reporter can be tough. She has to follow her script guide, which she says is pretty dull. And Narrator's not used to being seen by her audience. I guess I should now say, 'viewers'. But that's the thing; the characters on the show, don't know it's a show! They can't see her either! So, please, keep the voices down when Joey gets his face stuck in the cookie jar. There is a faint wall of silence between us and them, but if we're too loud, they will hear us! She also has her own crew. Having people to hurl abuse at once the day is done must be sweet…

Oh, and if you've watched the LK Abridged Yu-Gi-Oh series, you'll stand a better chance of laughing yourself silly. Ok people, enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** The Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged Series was created by Little Kuriboh, and Yu-Gi-Oh! itself is the intellectual property of Kazuki Takahashi. I wish it weren't, but then again, I'm not a very good thief, so...

**Rating: **K+

* * *

**Day 1, 10:00am, The Yu-Gi-Oh Apartment**

_(Our narrator comes into view, her heels stumbling over cords and wires as she moves in front of the camera. She puts on a beaming smile)_

Hello, and Welcome to Yu-Gi-Oh! - The Daily Experiment!, where we follow our favourite characters and their eventful lives. And I am your host! It's nice to see some familiar faces. Try your best not to see me as a person commentating, but more as a voice part of the scenery. I promise you that soon, you won't even realise I'm here…

Our characters today are Yugi, Tea, Joey, Tristan and Devlin, who in last week's episode move into their newly-rented Domino city apartment together. The friends are joined by two surprise room mates we tracked down to be part of the show, Malik and Ryou Bakura. We don't know much about them as yet, but they should be very interesting characters. So far, they seem to keep to themselves in their bedrooms. _(Thinks: more like, 'who mostly keep to touching themselves in their shared bedrooms. Freak children) _But I'm sure they'll get along fine with the others! Yes, and, uhm…Which one is Marik again? _(Gulps)_ Ah, moving on! Let's check out this apartment!

_(The camera crew shuffle along, dragging their clumsy equipment with them to follow her hasty footsteps)_ Oooh, it's very sunny in here. Note the focal point as being the kitchen area; a large square room with a long northern wall, and a large, circular dining table midway it. There's a big, light-drenching window on the west wall. And not far down the west wall is the protrusion of a smaller wall facing north. This creates a lovely little alcove of sunlight. Wonderful, affordable Domino city apartments, everyone! _(Frowns at the clearly agenda-filled script she has been given to read. Decides she will give it her own twist) _Ah…as you can see, adjacent to the alcove begins a narrow and dingy hallway travelling south, which takes us to the character's bedroom areas. I don't know how anyone can live in these depressing quarters, but oh well. This film company's budget was tight as my ex's wallet. _(The crew cringe as she brings up the nasty topic. They travel further down the hall)_

Oh, and don't worry viewers, remember, it's not like they can see us. We can observe the characters without missing an awe-inspiring second. We pass a room with Duke Devlin singing into his hairdryer as he winks at himself in the mirror. _(Thinks: why is this guy in a shared apartment anyway? Isn't he the rich kid of the group? Wait no, THIS is the rich kid) _The smug frame of Seto Kaiba pushes past our crew and up the hall. He seems to be muttering something about 'Moto the moron', who seems to have not accepted the proposal of some re-match to a duel, but smirks as he sights the self-absorbed Devlin on his way out.

We come to an open bedroom door and… ah! Here's Yami Yugi! _(Reports the events automatically) _Yami bursts into tears after seeing the cost of his monthly hair regime on a receipt… Let's get back to the kitchen, shall we?

Beside the start to the hallway is the kitchen unit itself, sectioned off by a north-facing. It's a crummy, out-of-date counter with thin pillars on each end supporting the small shelves above it. It has air space in between so the supposed cook can pass out plates and the like to hungry customers… Envision Tea sweating from exhaustion as she passes Joey his fifth meal.

The kitchen area is complete with dodgy white-ware and appliances; a toaster sparks menacingly to get some attention. _(She swipes it roughly off the counter and gets a nasty zap)_ Damn it! You get into this claustrophobic living space by walking, or more likely, squeezing in from the open end nearer to the hallway. Like_… (Squeezes past with a red face)_…this! Now, let's see what we got here. There are tall shelves behind the counter, backed on the east wall. They host a myriad of sugary cereals propped up front, (_Investigates the shelves)…_and half moth-eaten oat bran meals shoved to the back. Nice.

Backed against the south wall, opposite the counter, is a familiar trio: the fridge, sink and oven. As if anyone uses the oven here. _(Rolls eyes)_ Hey, forget Tea, I was just using that to make you laugh. And beyond the counter, between the southern and the rest of the east wall is, you guessed it, a door. But not just any door, THE ENTRANCE DOOR! OOOOHH, Special!

_(She facepalms)_ Oh God! I am so done with explaining the layout of the apartment. Ok, just for making me use all this in the script, I'ma leave out the bathrooms! As Narrator, I have that power. Yea, that's right people, now they have to pee outside. _(Gives a dark frown)_ What? Joey does that already, the dog.

* * *

**Next time on Yu-Gi-Oh! The Experiment!:** Innocent cookies become the centre of a crime, Tea run creates a disturbing spy device after being knocked over by a rare kind of crazy dog, and Ryou makes us laugh with his kawaii antics!


	2. Else

**Day 2, 3:50pm, The Apartment**

* * *

Arriving home from a busy day at school, our hero, Joey _(Suggestive coughing)_ finds his way to the kitchen, winking suggestively at the object of his desire: a fully laden cookie jar. He goes for a quick shower - please don't ask me where - but returns to find the jar empty. Towel over shoulders, he calls out suspiciously to Tristan.

"Triiistaaan! Didya eat all da cookies again?"

Yelling back from his bedroom, our beloved Train-stain, I mean, Tristan! Hey, who wrote that cruel joke in here? Heh. _(Thinks: the script guide is dull- they need my material, it is just better)_

Tristan yells back with equal volume in his undeniably nasal voice of super strength, "I-have-no-idea-what-you-are-talk-ing about!" We can hear him quietly add to himself, "Just like I have no idea how Serenity's bra got under my bed…hehe-he…"

Oh brother.

Meanwhile, Joey's moping is interrupted by Tea, who comes inside the dining slash kitchen room with the shopping. As she puts down the bags, Joey explains his disaster, he still eyeing the barren cookie jar with affection, "Don'tcha see! I could collapse ina few hours, Tea! I'm dyin' here!"

"Well not to worry, look what I bought!" She happily beholds up a new box of cookies and walks over to the kitchen counter to refill the jar. We are reminded of a dog vying his owner for his dinner, as Tea struggles against Joey to empty the cookies into the large glass jar without dropping them all. She steps back from his growls, allowing him a moment alone with his 'precious'.

"Rrrrrrrr…oh-so-good!" His tone alters, his pit bull-demeanour dropping to a puppy-like yip, "Do we have mor' of these? Cause I could really go for mor'."

"Joey, you could always go for more. Here," she tosses the second box at him from the dining table. We see Tea make a quick mental note to hide the third and final box. Busy ravaging half of the second box away, Joey doesn't hear her slowly backing into a drawer with the lone survivor tucked behind her back.

"Tea…I was just thinkin'. Whaddif dis happens again? I mean, I can't be left widdout snacks! We have a life and death situation on our hands 'ere!"

She jumps at his sudden question.

"Uhh Joey, I'm sure you won't _actually_ die-"

"WHAT? Tea! Are ya tellin' me you don't care bout your friends no mor'? Cause if dat's true, den I'm really crushed," he holds a hand over his heart dramatically. Anything for food.

"No Joey, it's just that- stop making THE FACE!"

Joey has become as kawaii as a human pig can appear, clasping his hands together, falling down on both knees before her, and watering his eyes up till he can be mistaken for something as adorable as a kitten dressed in frilly little cat clothing, doing a dance in its little tutu, but flopping over adorably and licking its paw while purring softly, as someone from above sprays a touch of whipped cream on its head and leaves a cherry on top.

"Pleeeeease?"

"Stupid...face…kitten…dancing…" Tea mutters…_ (She leaps back in shock) _Wait, I thought you said these characters couldn't hear us? Liars!

"Pleeeeease?" Joey whines, still on his knees.

"Ok, ok! Anything to stop that strange voice in my head!" Tea cradles her skull in confusion.

"Nyeehh?"

_(whips around to the crew and watching producers)_ I can't believe you people didn't tell me that they can hear what I'm saying if I stand too close! This is what happens when I am foolishly generous enough to work with amateurs... And by the way, Joey's been likened to a dog, a pig, a cat, and what the hell is a 'kawaii'? Don't you mean the island? I'm lost here. Bloody writers…

"Uh, let's just think up a plan to catch the person who's taking all the cookies," Tea says.

"Thanks Tea!" Joey lunges thankfully at Tea to hug her legs, but knocks her over in the process.

"Whoops, down she goes…ay Tea, you left raspberry sauce in ya hair…" He leans over her fallen body, shaking her concussed head.

"Silly Tea. Who leaves raspberry sauce in deir hair…well I do sometimes leave sticks of gum in my underwear, but dat's just as a turn on for da girls when I wanna chew…Ay Tay-yah! Wake up! Wait, dis don't taste like raspberry sauce. Oh…Oh boy."

The next ten minutes we spend following Joey running around as he tries to dispose of Tea's body, then decides against it, then decides for it again, and then freaks out when Tea wakes, just as he is lowering her into the boot of Devlin's car.

"Nyeehhh! I mean, hi Tea! Lovely day for a drive, I thought, nyeehh...since you was fallin' asleep, nyeehh…dat I should take ya-"

"Don't speak."

Tea angrily mounts the stairs with Joey sulking nervously behind her, entering the apartment and taking an icepack for her head. She demands some paper and a pencil, which he retrieves for her hastily. That afternoon she devises a simple plan to catch their thief. Miracle really, that she can do anything at all, what with the injury she's sustained…

"I think I'm hearing the voices again," Tea muses. Ahem! _(Steps back in irritation)_

"Well anyway, this is what I've come up with," she passes her plan onto Joey.

"Nyeeh…It looks like dat cereal box 'as a hard on. Geez Tea, you're mind's turned sick after dat accident."

"'Accident'! You call trying to do away with me in broad daylight an 'accident'?" Tea rages, her eyes widening.

Joey cringes like the whiney dog he is.

"Oh never mind... but no, it's actually a cereal box with a CAMERA inside. See, we cut a hole at the front for the lens and we put the camera inside. But that's good idea, I should really keep the lens zoomed back so no one sees it for what it is. Now go get Tristan's camera for me."

"Yes, Tea!" He almost skips down the hall, feeling relieved from thinking he is off the hook. We are the only ones who see Tea giving the 'you're so dead but you don't know it yet' look.

"Who said that?" Tea jumps nervously. I really have to learn to stand back, don't I?

Joey and Tristan return with a banged up camera which Tea fits inside an empty cereal box with a whole cut in the front. Tristan giggles as Joey shows him the plan drawing. After a vengeful cuff to the head from someone already experienced in cranial suffering-

"Owwwwe!"

- Tristan places the trap up high on a shelf overlooking the cookie jar. The eye of the rainbow coloured toucan on the box now has a camera lens poking oh so unmistakably out from it.

"Caw caw, little birdie. Do your dirty work." Tristan thinks he's being cool. God, there will never be a day.

"Shut up, Train-stain," Tea comments_ (Thinks: Thank you Tea! She has my humour!) _as she connects a movement-sensitive wire from the lid of the jar up to the technicoloured sugar spy, winding it into the shelf corners to secure it. What is she, some super agent? Where did she get that? This script is looking less and less credible…

"When the jar lid is touched, the camera will go off and we will have our killer. Uh, I mean, THIEF. Yea, so, let's leave it to do its thing now," Tea tries desperately to cover up her verbal blunder. That's one facepalm for you girl, and a whole lotta them for Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble. Guess which one's which?

**Day 3, 1am, The Kitchen**

That night, the scuffing noise of ill-intentioned slippers comes from down the darkened hallway. Uh, why is there an evil choir singing out from no where? _(She shreds her guide)_ Blast you people, I really don't give a damn if this story makes sense anymore!

A pale white hand reaches out from the darkness, hovering creepily over the cookie jar. The camera pans up to frame a boy with fluffy white hair in a light green nightgown- yes, a night GOWN. The boy named Ryou, -wait is this Ryou or Bakura? I can't exactly tell, they look the damn same. Oh, you say one embodies pure darkness? Well this kid seems pretty light…check out that giant spiky marshmallow of a mop he has. Get it, light? Marshmallow? _(Fumes when no one laughs)…_Ohhh stuff you people, your material sucks marshmallows!

Sigh. I'll just make a call, and say this is Ryou. So, Ryou's hand moves past the jar over to the utensils draw, and the choir's vocals relax as he is seen only taking a small knife to butter some bread. I don't know why, but the image of that kid holding a simple butter knife makes shivers run down my spine. Odd, yes?

He smiles to himself about his secret late night snack of raspberry jam on toast.

"I really shouldn't, but oh well!" Ryou laughs as if he were doing something _really_ naughty. Oh you bad boy, you.

You know, Joey should _really_ come to see what the colour of raspberry _actually_ looks like. You know, for the next time he feels like accidentally tasting someone else's blood.

The cookie jar is right beside Ryou as he prepares his snack, but he doesn't touch it. He notices the odd cereal box to his right, eyeing him back.

"What a strange bird for a cereal box…." Queue the choir's re-entry of suspenseful vocal talents.

Oooh Tea, your trap is found! Wait, no, he's just staring at it…

"Oh well," Ryou shrugs innocently and cheerfully replaces the jam lid. The choir fades out. He scuffs back down the hall, and without the counter to cover his lower half, the camera shot captures his pink bunny slippers bouncing their floppy ears as he walks away.

* * *

**Next time on Yu-Gi-Oh! The Experiment!:** The group discovers the identity of the criminal, Duke Devlin's theme music drives the Narrator mad, Malik freaks out, and the fan girls cry out for Seto! Why? Oh, you'll see.


	3. But

**Day 3, 4:15pm The Dining Table**

* * *

The next afternoon the group, all but Ryou and Malik that is, are gathered around the dining table. We close up on the image of an empty jar of cookie crumbs. From above the jar is suddenly filled with cookies. Who organised this shot? We can't tell what the hell is happening outside of this frame, damn it!

"Ok, that was our last pack." Oh, it's Tea.

We zoom out to see the group huddled around the table, standing almost protectively by surrounding the jar on all sides. Luckily enough, there is enough space left between them for us to see what's going on. _(Thinks: stupid cameraman still can't frame his shot, damn it)_

Tea begins flicking through polaroids in her hand, brushing off the rainbow-coloured cereal dust as Joey and Tristan lean over to view the suspects. Devlin leaves his post to come and watch from over her shoulder. Yugi waits patiently opposite her, leaning over the table with his elbows on the table and head in his hands, while his legs kneel in his chair to prop him up. Looking at the snapshots they realise that something has gone wrong with their camera's line of sight, as only hands and arms have been captured, not any faces.

"Sorry about that, I accidentally forgot what was in the box when I was getting breakfast this morning," Tristan laughs, "Haha, imagine biting down on hard camera cereal!" With this wimpy attempt at a joke he does a cheesy smile, hoping to be forgiven. Tea mutters darkly.

"There's that word again…Next person to say they had an 'accident' gets their eyes cut out with children's scissors and replaced by a zoom lens of their very own, just like Mr. Toucan over there," Tea growls, after which a collective gulp is heard.

Annoyed, they flick through the clues, dismissing the hands and arms they know to be their own.

"A hand that sexy could only be my own." Oh please Duke, you're so full of yourself…um, why am I hearing Justin Timberlake in the background all of a sudden? You people make no sense I tell you, no sense at all!

"Bangles, that's mine," Tea acknowledges.

"I haven't even been able to get a cookie yet…so there's no chance my hand will be in there…" Yugi mumbles quietly in cry-baby fashion. (_She gasps in sudden pain)_

…Geez! I'm guessing that this is the spoilt, under-developed little prince-primma donna they were telling me about? Right. Thanks for the heads up! But why does no one tell me the kid has hair spikes the size of cactus heads that he likes to randomly throw around in pre-pubescent rage? Because I think I was just skewered by them. Really, thank you to all the competent people that make up the crew of this film. You rock!

Ignoring the ghost of a narrator, I'll thank you again, **Narrator**, Yugi moans on until they can stand it no more, and Tea tells him to get a plate. She places an especially large cookie on it, "Here, now this is yours and no one can steal that away. Happy?"

"Thanks Tea," the mope says, pacified.

He is about to bite into it when Devlin speaks. He brings the sexy back, "Wait a sec guys, whose hand is that?"

They examine the polaroid depicting a pale forearm and hand resting over the cookie jar. Yugi leans over to see.

"It looks so pale and limey," Tristan points out.

"Did someone say limey?" Someone suddenly interjects. Well if it isn't Mr. Puffball!

…Ryou walks in from the hallway and up to the gang. "What is everyone doing?" He smiles serenely.

"Hi Bakura, we're looking at photos since we placed a camera in the kitchen to see whose been taking all the cookies," says Tea.

Everyone looks to the very last photo, staring like cows at grass. It's of Joey's lone hand balled into a fist of pure Brooklyn rage. _(She thinks: Don't say "Nyeeh" right now, Joey, for the love of dignity!)_ Well someone missed out, it seems. Serves him right, after the first one and a half packs he downed.

"So, I'm guessing the owner of the pale hand is the thief?" _(Is about to hum ' I'm bringing sexy back' but stops herself in time)_ Duke and his theme music again! _(She wheels around to address the crew) _Ok, did Devlin somehow pay you all? Because I'll DOUBLE it to get some peace around here!

"Yea, but whose could it be?" Tea puts the photo down to allow her defected brain time to think.

At this moment, Ryou is standing near Yugi, just in front of our camera shot _(MOVE, BOY!)_ so that Yugi has full view of his right arm, as well as of the picture of the pale arm that has been placed on the table before him. Yugi, having the irritatingly curious mind that he does, begins to piece together the clues. Oooh I can hear his brain working right now! Picture two monkeys hitting each other's heads in turn with mallets. To that blasted sexy back theme music.

"I don't believe it. The thief is Ryou!" the pipsqueak shrieks.

"What makes ya say dat, nyeeh?" That was Joey, need I say.

"Guys, look," Yugi continues, "That forearm has a scar. And so does his, see?"

Consciously, Ryou folds up his arms, "But, I don't have a scar!" he smiles sweetly.

The room is silent as everyone eyes him in surprise, but his smile doesn't falter. Just then, a crunching sound comes from behind Ryou, by the first door down the hall. The camera whirs to Malik, who has his head stuck out of the doorway and is munching lazily on a cookie. Surveying the scene before him, he realises their game must be up. His eyes widen as they all begin to frown at him.

With crumbs flying out of his mouth, Malik yells nervously, "What? Don't look at me, HE gave them to me!"

He points eagerly at Ryou as the sound of a glass jar being lifted off a hard surface, is heard. Why we aren't allowed to see what is happening, I just don't know. _(Thinks: camera man- you are slow)_ Ah, now we see Ryou at the west window with one hand around the cookie jar, he straddling the window sill with one leg in and the other out. Fan service, it never fails, am I right? _(Hehe)_

He waves his free hand to everyone with a lively smile on his face, "Cheerio!"

Ryou escapes out the window as the others run up to watch him jumping down the balcony stairs and running down the street. In dismay they return to the table.

"'Bakura the thief', who would have guessed…" Tristan ponders.

Our camera man sees Yugi is at breaking point, ready to throw a giant tantrum...

"I" A close up on his enraged face.

"-WANT" A group shot of the others in suspense.

"-MY" A more intimidating close up of Yugi's face…and nostrils, God…

"-COOKIES!"

The camera is below his furious face, his fists slamming down on the table beside both edges of the screen. Ooohh! I am Godzilla, hear me roar!

"Calm down Yugi, you still have the one on your plate!" Tea says. _(Thinks: Tea+Energetic point=Stupid)_

Now is the time to say that Malik is smartly making his way out of the room while the heat is off him. He passes the entering Seto and Mokuba on his way out. Nonchalantly, Seto stands beside Yugi, surveying the situation with Mokuba beside him.

"Hey nerds, what's up."

Tea pushes the plate towards the centre of the table so that Yugi can reach it better. But Seto has no idea that Yugi is on edge, and heck, he thinks he is god, so he feels like taking the cookie. Casually, he reaches down to retrieve it and begins to chew. Everyone gawks at Seto in appal.

With a full mouth, Seto muffles in irritation, "Vhattt?"

A snarling sound issues from his right. He looks down to see Yugi with a wild expression of insanity strained across his mascara-painted face. Before Seto knows it, Yugi has leapt up at him, wrapping his arms and legs around Seto's head and neck, suffocating and mauling his victim like a wild animal. _(She thinks: This is like that Lions of the Serengeti documentary all over again)_

Seto's arms are waving around, humorously so if you ask me, as he screams in pain. Mokuba steps back in bewilderment as the group rushes forward to pry Yugi off.

They tug at Seto's face but Yugi won't come free. The last thing we hear is Joey yelling out, "Don't scream, moneybags, for teh love of gawd, don't scream! It only encourages teh madness, nyeeehh!"

Thank god the camera man made us pan out after that, or else we would have been filming lost face appendages. Oh, now don't worry fan girls, he can afford the surgery. It will be O K.

* * *

**Next time on Yu-Gi-Oh! The Experiment!:** Bakura sexily struts the Domino streets with his lastest prize, and Malik goes one better with his own jaw-dropping version of a 'treat', and together they riegn hell down on a foul, decrepid city shop that has insulted their senses. Would you believe me if I said it was a humble cafe shop?


	4. He

**Day 3, 4:32pm The Café of The Last Supper **

* * *

Meanwhile Bakura, now with his classic evil grin and demonically horned hairstyle, is walking in a carefree manner down a sunny Domino city street. He makes his way indoors to a café and takes a seat. He sees Marik walk by outside, and raps on the window to invite him in. Caught off guard, Malik hastily swaps his smile of relief for an expression of pure annoyance. He trudges in and sits opposite Bakura.

"Well thanks a lot for leaving me to cop the blame, Bakura!"

"And thank YOU for squealing like the cowardly brat you are! Remind me never to let you in on my secrets! Now there goes our free cookie supply…Oh well. At least I have these babies," he proudly places his prize booty on the table...

Get your mind out of the gutter, damn it! I didn't mean it like that. _(Thinks: Oh, I so did)_

"Mmm…" Malik's hand is slapped as he reaches for the jar.

"I don't think so. Not after what you've done."

"Fine! I'll just get my own cookies. And they will SOOO be better than yours…" Malik sneers childishly.

"Do what you please, I don't care." Bakura shoots back a hiss.

Malik inspects the menu and his eyes widen, this time in glee, as he calls up a waiter and drags the side of the man's face close to his mouth, giving his order in hushed tones. The bewildered waiter tries to pull away, but Malik drags him back by his ear. He shoots a sneaky smile at Bakura as the eerily translucent teen begins to order a lime-flavoured milkshake. The waiter walks away briskly, thankful for leaving the presence of two of the most disturbed teenagers he has ever served. In shaky voice, their waiter yells what was ordered to those behind the counter. Malik's order is named so strangely that Bakura still can't understand what it is. But Bakura's order is recognisable, "… And a lime flavoured milkshake for the Limey over there!"

Obviously the waiter is trying to regain his confidence with a little humour... Fuming, Bakura whips around to glare indignantly at the people in the cafe who are daring to giggle. Malik tries his best to calm him.

"Shut up, Malik!" He snarls.

"Alright, Mr Cookies and Cream, but it's not my fault you're so pale."

Bakura is about to retort but knows there's nothing much he can say to deny it, and settles back into his seat, arms crossed and still fuming under his breath.

His order comes and Bakura scowls at the waiter, almost succeeding in tripping him up. The waiter looks at him in irritation but Bakura smiles, almost baring his creepily sharp white teeth. The man smartly backs away, this time almost tripping over his own shadow as he retreats behind the counter. Two other waiters are busy _rolling_ _in_ Malik's order. A giant cookie, a metre in diameter, and 5cms thick, is wheeled up to Malik's side of the table.

"Yeeea…Beat that," he hauls it up proudly to show Bakura.

The waiters leave a bowl of milk beside Malik, as if it were a side dish of soup.

"Malik…"

"Yeeeess?" An expectant grin spreads across his tanned boyish face.

"You-are-ridiculous."

"You're just jealous! My coo-kie brings all the boys to the yard, and they're right- it's better than yours…" Remember the 'My Milkshake song'? Well he does. "...I could teach you, but I'd have to charrrge!"

"Quiet!"

Malik's face sinks after being put down, and sulkily turns his attention downwards to pick on a giant choc chip melting into the face of the enormous cookie. He stubbornly continues reciting the lyrics under his breath, "I know you want it…the thing that makes me… what they guys go crazy fo-or…"Oh Malik. _(Facepalm moment)_

To calm himself, Bakura begins stacking some of his cookies on a plate, turning them into pillars as a boy would when counting his piggy bank money. The silence is interrupted by an irritating voice.

"Geez Bakura, are you _really _going to eat that many? I mean, at least leave some for later. Be like me, be strong and just stick to one."

Bakura looks up at Malik without dignifying him a response. Curious of the flavour, he reaches out to tear a small edge off the tyre-sized monstrosity.

"Oh no you don't! This is mine, all mine!"

"As if you can finish it all. I just wanted to try a little," he reasons.

"No way!" Malik whines loudly in infantile fashion.

"Fine, fine, I'll let baby have his cookie. Does baby want milk with that?" The devil-in-boy's-clothing begins to flick milk droplets up at Malik from the milk bowl with his index finger.

"Stop it, stop it now!"

"Haha!"

"It's not funny!" Malik flinches.

"I beg to differ," Bakura sniggers.

"I hate it when you get like this!"

They argue for the next 30 minutes until it escalates into an all out war, and there are cookie missiles and milk everywhere. His screen sprayed with milk, the camera man gets sick of the two delinquents and pans out, effectively ending our story…and yes, the fight still continues...What happens? Uhh..._(She peers over her shoulder and becomes highly disturbed_)... look, just use your imagination ok?

_(The Narrator leans up against the speakers, desperately trying to muffle the sound 'effects' of the café loosing several windows, of customers screeching in terror, and of chairs being thrown hard across the room. She tries in vain to shield the audience from the live audio of the Bakura-hating waiter's voice, screaming for mercy as he is tortured by the blades of the milkshake machine…)_

**The End!**

* * *

**Next time on Yu-Gi-Oh! The Experiment!:** Next time? Are you kidding me? Look, I'm sorry brave fans, but the Narrator has walked out on us. I don't think she's coming back...well, not without a larger salary. And I think that epsiode has turned some people off watching tv. For a while, anyway. To the lovers of torture, utter stupidity, and most of all, COOKIES, how did you like that?

**Despite the sore hole in the film company's reputation, they still love reviews! If you post them here I can pass them on. Thank you everyone!**


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